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“FURIOUS 7” REVIEW

The boys are back and more furious than ever!

Vin Diesel, Paul Walker and Dwayne Johnson lead the returning pit crew of ruffians in the latest chapter of the Fast & Furious franchise. Directed by James Wan (Insidious, The Conjuring) and also features the return of Michelle Rodriguez, Jordana Brewster, Tyrese Gibson, Chris “Ludacris” Bridges, Elsa Pataky and Lucas Black. But wait! There’s even more…Jason Statham, Djimon Hounsou, Tony Jaa, Ronda Rousey and Kurt Russell join this ever growing gang of hooligans.

3 rules to this fast and furious club:

  • Shut off your brain.
  • Open your heart.
  • Try not to roll your car on the way home

Alright, so remember the bad guy Vin and the gang put a beat down on last time? Well, he has a bigger and balder brother (Jason Statham) who has sworn to avenge his unconscious and severely mangled little bro. So for the next two and a half hours they go bald head vs balding head blowing the ever living snot out of hundreds of cars (and absolutely everything else in the way) in all types of exotic locations while chasing down a piece of technology that can give the user the ability to find anyone on the planet in mere minutes.

So how was it? Well, the dialogue is cliché and sometimes cringe worthy, the stunts are so insanely over the top I was shocked Stallone wasn’t arm wrestling in the back seat of every scene, the basic message of “family” is so tediously beaten over your head you may want to leave yours by the time the film is over, and the length for a film of this nature is excessive. But…I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT! (see rule 1)

Plus the very touching and classy way the filmmakers say goodbye to both Paul Walker (died during making of the film in an unrelated car crash) and his character couldn’t have been handled better. (see rule 2)

Furious 7 is extremely fun and dumb with a good chunk of heart and some serious ass-kickery…and remember, in real life car crashes suck. (see rule 3)

 

 

About Chris Biggs (32 Articles)
After loosing his hands in a smelting accident at age 12, his father (a traditional blacksmith) forged and fused two anvil hammers to his mutilated stumps. This of course lead to Chris becoming a social outcast and spending many an evening alone on his apartment rooftop crying to the stars. It was on one of these nights that a freak bolt of lightning split and struck Chris in both limbs at the same time, infusing his hammers with electric energy while giving him super strength and regenerative powers. The monkey? Have you ever tried to wipe your ass with hammers? Exactly.

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