To nerds, there’s an electric nip in the air that feels like Max Dillon’s Man Cave.
To the rest of you, it just feels warmer.
I feel sorry for you. But I’m not supposed to say things like that to your face, so forget I mentioned it. My point – and yes, I do have one, thank you very much, is this: Con season is almost here and if you live in the Niagara Region the first weekend in June is when your Summer, like Christina Bale in his first outing in the cowl, truly begins.
In other words, Niagara Falls Comic Con is almost here and I’m as giddy as a Skrull in Avengers Tower. Because… well, Skrulls are shape-shifters and he could become any Avenger he wanted to be… and have access to secrets… aw, forget it. Here are ten tell-tale signs Niagara Falls Comic Con, like Harley Quinn on Mister J, is almost on top of us.
ONE) Nerds are emerging from their parents’ basements in record numbers. Of course, they need to in order to adjust their eyes to natural light. And yes, that was a cruel and stereotypical taunt but I’m willing to bet my entire run of Green Goblin comics that you’re laughing right now.
TWO) Batman coin banks are being smashed open like Negan’s victim’s skull on The Walking Dead. Cons require major coin – and we’re not all Starks or Waynes. And so many a fanperson’s secret stash is being emptied in anticipation of a geeky shopping spree like no other.
THREE) Celebrities you may not have seen for years are preparing to step back into the spotlight. I’ll never take shots at stars that haven’t worked in years; after all, they’ve already achieved more than I ever will. That said, a con is the best place to play, “Hey, I remember you!” This year we can look forward to seeing Michael Winslow from Police Academy, Tom Wopat, a couple of Power Rangers and more stars than I saw the last time my wife punched me in the face. Even TMZ can’t gather celebrities in one place like a comic convention.
Oh, and I was kidding about the wife punching me in the face.
She always goes for the man berries…
FOUR) If you listen real close, you can hear the familiar groan of the TARDIS. Peter Davison, the fifth iteration of the Doctor will be joining the fun this year. (“Doctor who?”, you ask? Exactly.) Good times from the Time Stream. Incidentally, in case anyoen is wondering (and you know you are) Davison’s TARDIS is truly old school, so that’s why it takes so long to materialize.
FIVE) My wife is rolling her eyes pretty much non-stop. The wife isn’t a fan of fandom – to say the least – so the closer we get to NFCC 2016, the more my daughter and I gush. This, of course, drives my wife around the bend, which is nice. Yes, my wife and I have a complex relationship. Just think War of the Roses (Google it, kids) mixed with all the passion of any Ginger Lynn film.
SIX) Businesses around the ScotiaBank Convention Centre are steeling themselves for the nerdy onslaught. Never mind “Winter is Coming”, the big buzz phrase in Niagara is “The Nerds Are Coming – And They’re Bringing Their Cash With Them”. NFCC means BIG BUCKS in the coffers of local businesses; between hotels, parking lots, restaurants and even taxis, Niagara Falls proprietors sees an upswing that would make Peter Parker jealous. (You’d have to be nuts to bring your personal Batmobile to the Scotiabank Convention Centre on the weekend of June 3 – 5, friends. Traffic on Stanley Avenue makes the Grand Theft Auto series look like a walk in the park.)
SEVEN) My Spidey Senses are tingling. Yes, I have those. Shut up.
EIGHT) Con Preparedness Kits are being… prepared. Bottled water. Extra cash. Many large shopping bags. Extra cash. Really comfortable shoes. Extra cash. A notebook filled with all those rare treasures you want to purchase but always forget to look for. Extra cash. All of these items – especially extra cash – are being gathered as I type, kiddies. Make sure you have yours or be subject to ridicule.
NINE) Costumes are being adjusted one last time. Granted, most cosplayers need an entire year to prepare for a con but when you’re a perfectionist, as most cosplayers are, you need every second to make sure the details are just-so.
TEN) All my favorite superhero Tees are laid out on my bed until I make that all-important selection. What can I say? I can’t sew worth a damn.
And that’s all I have for you today. Besides, you need to stop wasting time with me and get ready for Niagara Falls Comic Con 2016. You can’t go into these things half-assed, you know. A comic con requires a whole-assed effort.
See you on the streets of Pulp Nation, friends…